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Sunday, August 31, 2014

September...

In less than one hour September rolls around.  The month where I will officially graduate from nursing school (..and hope to finish up my NCLEX exam too), the month where our sweet sweet baby girl will join our family, and the month where I will turn 40.

This will be a life transforming month for me.  A process that started a while ago when I decided to go back to school ... it is not a definitive journey but one that has changed my life in so many ways.

I know that September will hold many changes for me and for these I am incredibly grateful.  Change is hard but change is also good.  The biggest one of them all is having a little baby girl.  I cannot describe in words how elated, grateful and excited I am about her arrival.  Finding myself pregnant was a shock but it quickly turned to such a sweet release of pent up desires for another baby that I did not realize I had.  Being pregnant with baby girl has allowed much healing of my heart and brought a joy that feels ablaze at every waking moment.  She will be the perfects sweet addition to our family and I am so lucky to have amazingly caring and sweet big siblings to love her too.

Finishing nursing school is such an accomplishment for me.  It feels monumental and overwhelming.  There have been moments when everything was just too much.  When my emotions were just worn too thin and it seemed too difficult to just continue.  But I did it ... and I am proud of myself - proud to have finished an incredibly difficult and intense program and to have done it well.  These last many months have change me and challenged me to be a better person in so many ways.  The hardest thing during this process was being gone from home.  I missed my children everyday, it hurt my heart every time I had to leave them and I have cried for them more times than I can count.  To be back home with them is the best feeling ever and they make my heart whole in ways that no one else can.  I am so incredibly lucky to have them and I hope that my perseverance will some day serve as an inspiration to them too.

September I welcome you ... and I cannot wait to see all that you have in store for me.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

I am done...

As of today all my requirements for graduation have been completed.  Tomorrow is my graduation/completion ceremony for nursing school as of September 5th (the official end of the term) I will have the letters of BSN behind my name.

I am DONE!!!!!  I am so incredibly excited ... I have worked hard to get to this point and I am incredibly please with my achievements. 

It just feels very very good.

....and baby girl - I am ready for you anytime you want to come out to play.   Thank you sweetheart for sticking on the inside so I could complete my program.  You are a star in my eyes already!

Friday, August 22, 2014

A whole lot of belly...

Or just a whole lot of stripes ~ 35 weeks and 1 day :)

In 13 days...

At this time in 13 days, I will be checked in at Legacy's L&D waiting and getting prepped for my c-section.  I can't believe it!!  I feel like the luckiest mommy in the world.  Baby girl has hiccups right now and I am just loving the feel of her move within me.  It is just the sweetest and most special feeling in the world - I am so lucky that I am getting to enjoy this again...insert tears of joy here :-)

On another note I am frantically trying to finish up my last assignments for nursing school.  It is proving a bit difficult as my brain has totally checked out it seems.  I have one report to finish up and a research paper to get done as well as my final evaluation packet.  How I wish I could just snap my fingers and it would be done.  No such luck but little by little I am plucking away at it.  I am determined to have the report done to day and hopefully my research paper too....insert tears of frustration here :-(

The kids are enjoying their last few weeks of summer and I really want to just go and have fun with them.  I have been so busy with school this summer and they have not had a much fun as I want them to have.  Yup pile on the mommy guilt here!!!!

Mommy guilt, pregnancy hormones, exhaustion and unfinished homework is NOT a good combination (insert a steady stream of tears here!!!!) .... I keep telling myself to just breathe - I will make it through .. just breathe.... and for heaven's sake quit crying!!!

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Counting is my thing...

You know I am still an accountant at heart ;-)

...And the counting down has truly begun for me ... and I am a completely mush as I am writing this down:

2 more clinical days left
1 more paper and a few different reports (seems like a gazillion words of writing!!!) 
12 days until nursing school completion ceremony!
18 days until my c-section!!
36 days until I turn 40 ....yikes!!!   

I cannot even express how excited and grateful I am. I have 3 beautiful, exceptionally creative and funny children and a husband who has taken care of them while I have been away at school.  My dreams of becoming a nurse is just within reach and add to that the blessing of a sweet new baby in our lives to make our crazy life even sweeter. 

New career, new baby, new decade ... life truly starts over for me at 40! 

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Catching up...

Baby girl is growing!!!  I had an growth scan last week and she was estimated to weigh about 4 lbs 15 oz .. right on track in the 50-55% for gestational age.  I wonder how big she will be at birth.  Olivia was my smallest baby at 6 lbs 7 oz (well aside from the sweet twinkie boys).  As she will be born around 37 weeks, I am thinking she may be around the 5-6 lbs mark .. but we will see.

Once again she was face-planted into my placenta so we did not really get any good pictures of her face.  However, I did get to watch her in action.  She had hiccups during the scan and you could see the little rhythmical bopping of her head - and I could feel it too.  She is super active still and has hiccups all the time.  The ultrasound tech only let me listen to the heartbeat for a very very limited time, like 4 beats, I love that sound and wished I could have listened a little longer.

I love this little one so much - it is amazing to feel this way.  With all our children I have been so happy and excited to be pregnant with them and welcome them into my arms and our family.  This time is no different but the feelings are so intensely strong maybe because it was all so unexpected.  It truly is such an amazing feeling to anticipate the birth of our baby girl.

My c-section was scheduled at my last appointment too.  It felt strange to schedule it ... to know when baby girl will arrive ~ well that is as long as she continues to stay put ;-)  Still I can't wait to meet her .. well I can .. but I am counting down the days. 

We still need to decide on a name for her.  It is so hard to find just right one - honestly I do not think we will decide until she is born.  I think I need to see her first ... oh my gosh just thinking about seeing her and holding her in my arms is making me all mushy.

Baby girl .. I treasure every kick and hiccup you are sending in my direction.  I love every roll and punch you throw.  I am trying to make sure that I enjoy every twinge of your movements and the magic of growing you below my heath.  I know I will miss feeling you in my tummy .. but I also know that I will LOVE feeling you in my arms.

Final ATI test out of the way ...

ATI testing is practice testing for the national nursing licensing exam - during the last two terms we have done 4 tests.  Two on our own and two proctored.  I have met the goals established for each and I am happy to have them all crossed of my to-do list.

The term is quickly coming to an end and with it comes the end of my nursing school journey.  I cannot even express how excited I am about this opportunity to become a nurse.  It feels so right and so big to be almost done.  It seemed so impossible when I decided to make this change yet here I am ... and I am almost done.

My summer in the NICU has filled with so much learning.  I am so thankful to my preceptor who has been a fantastic teacher and great support in my hands-on learning.  Tomorrow starts my last 5 day stretch of clinical days.  I still have paper work to attend to and get done but the practical piece will be concluded in short fashion.

Wow .. I can't believe it .. but I am almost done.  Then the NCLEX will be up next...can't wait to conquer that challange :-)