:-( ...

Not meant to be.  Our potential buyers walked even when an offer to reduce the price to the PBO value was put on the table.  This suck!

Suspense...

Monday was not a happy day.  The buyers for our home decided that the wait time had been long enough and their patience with our mortgage company had run dry.  Alas they rescinded the offer to purchase our home as we could not secure the short sale approval from our mortgage company.  I was in tears...

At this point we have had double rent since last February and our home is going on 180 days plus on the market.  The real estate market is tough right now especially if you are trying to sell.  Really it sucks!

I am sure that the person I am dealing with at the mortgage company is tired of hearing from me.  On Monday she was especially tired of hearing from me!  We had a good offer, with a good reflection of the current market price, and here we are with an offer slipping away.  It seems like a vicious  cycle ... in order to generate a new offer, we will need to lower the price.  With a new lower price, we will likely get an offer below what the mortgage company is willing to accept .. just like this time around.  I know we are far from the only ones in this situation but where does it stop? 

Well today we got the new Broker Price Opinion back ... $30K below the first PBO and $9K below our last market price ... and to boot $4K below the offer that was just rescinded :-(  GRRRRR....

My wonderful realtor is working hard for us right now.  We are hoping that the potential buyers will still be interested in moving forward.  Maybe just maybe it will happen ... holding my breath and biting my nails here..

At a loss...

Over the last week I have read about several recent pregnancy losses on SMO (surromomsonline) and while all make me sad, twin related losses just cuts right through my heart still.  A few days ago a fellow surrogate lost a twin pregnancy at around sixteen weeks gestation.  Reading about it made me numb and incredibly sad.  It brought so many memories and the loss of little J right back front and center.

As surrogates, we care SO much about someone else's baby (or babies) and when things go wrong it is just heart wrenching.  We want so much for these sweet little ones to go home to their forever family, to be loved and cared for by the parents who have gone through so much just to have family.  We put our hearts and soul on the line often for strangers who become dear friends in the process of a surrogacy journey.

Although the love for a surro child is different than the love we have for our own children, we care deeply for the babies we carry and for the families we carry them for.  It is sad and an utterly helpless feeling when a baby is lost.  Regardless of when that loss happens it has an impact on both the surrogate and the family we try to help.  Failed transfers and early trimester losses are tough, second and late trimester losses, and especially loss after viability and birth, are just so devastating.

In a perfect world much would be different...but as much as we like to seek perfection, we have to deal with the hand we are given.  Today I send many healing prayers to all the special women who have experienced a loss in surrogacy and also to the all the parents who have gone through much heart ache just to have the family they so wish for.

My hair is back...

well at least it is growing and I can see it and feel it!!!  Woohoo.... I have always lost a lot of hair post pregnancy but this time I almost had a few bald spots.  I have a whole lot of baby fine sticking out everywhere and I am so happy!  Now if it could just grow back as really thick hair with beautiful curls like my daughter then that would be extra bonus but I am not holding my breath on that one!

The Family Tree...

Thanksgiving weekend was a busy weekend and we had so much fun!  We spent a quiet Thanksgiving day at home cooking a nice big turkey.  (Rio just cannot get a big enough turkey ... this year he settled for one just under 15 lbs for the 5 of us ~ he will be eating leftovers forever!!).  Then Friday we went to St. Louis for some fun at the City Museum and then on to a weekend with Rio's family - what a treat! 

A family get together was planned for Saturday and it turned out to be a small family reunion ... great to see family that we have not seen for a long time and so much fun watching all the little cousins running around and playing with one another.

Being in the midst of family, reaffirms to me once again why I choose to be surrogate.  Family is so important.  Without surrogates, some people would not have the opportunity to have a family they long for or the opportunity to carry on their legacy.  Surrogacy is truly such a blessing.

Both Rio and I are blessed with really large families .... crazy big families really.  Yikes it is a job just to keep track of everyone.  Two of Rio's cousins started to draw up an improptu family tree ... it is amazing to see all these names listed down on paper .. so many people to name.  Rio has 41 fist cousins on his mom's side alone.  Add that to the 16 cousins I have on my dad's side and at least that many on my mom's side and you get a whole lot of family.  Our history really is so rich and filled with incredible stories and wonderful people.  One day, when life slows down a bit, I hope to sit down and draw it all out for them.

Gobble Gobble...

I am stuffed!  Rio cooked a beautiful turkey - it was moist and yummy.  I normally do not care much for turkey but at Thanksgiving time I will indulge.  We have enjoyed a quiet day together.  We raked the front yard, cleaned the cars and went for a hike in a near by park while the turkey cooked.

After the meal we all snuggled up on the couch and watched a funny family movie.  Then Rio, Olivia and I went out for a walk to look at Christmas lights and then home for dessert.  Now the kiddos are off to bed and I will be hitting the couch once again to relax.

What a wonderful day.  I am so thankful for my family and I really enjoyed being together just the five of us.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thankful...

Two days and Thanksgiving is here .... where did this year go?  I just cannot believe that the holidays are right around the corner.  For one, I am just not ready for Christmas to be here yet, and two .. time is passing by too quickly ~ so many things to do so little time!

There are times when I struggle to be thankful but I know that I have many many things to be thankful for.  I have a wonderful husband, who is a bit stressed out but who is working so hard to make a go at his new job.  I know it is not easy being the "new guy" and I am so proud of him.  I have three great kiddos who makes me smile everyday ... ok yes they also makes me go absolute bananas!  But even so, they are my world and I love them more than anything.  Each day, looking at them reminds me how fortunate I am and every day I strive to be a better person because of them.

I am also so thankful for my surro babes.  Miss V is learning new words by the day and I am sure the explosion of new words and ways to put them together is such a delight to M&M!  ..and little N is getting bigger and stronger day by day.  I have been so fortunate to get lots of pictures recently - they always warm my heart. 

This last year has been a bit of a blur.  It has been a hard one emotionally and God only knows that there were experiences that I could have been without.  However, the happenings of life shape who we are and what we become.  I have a renewed focus and I know that even on a gray day, the sun is behind the clouds somewhere.  More than ever before, I try to look for the silver lining in life and my faith is slowly being restored.  There are so many things that I will never understand but I have got to believe that somehow there is a meaning with everything.

I know that I am truly blessed and I try to remind myself of that every day.  Today I am so thankful for the little ones I have carried in my belly.  They all own a piece of my heart ... especially sweet little angel J.