Miss V ... I wish you a wonderful and happy birthday!!! Lots and lots of hugs and kisses from all of us to you.
Today you are three ... three years since you arrived and changes a lot of lives. I am so lucky to have been part of bringing you into this world and I feel so incredibly blessed to continue to get peeks into your life.
I just got a few new pictures and the darling girl is just so cute :-) ...and I must say that both of the twiblings look ever so fabulous in their Halloween costumes!
Monday, October 29, 2012
Friday, October 26, 2012
One of my favorites girl has a birthday coming up...
Miss V is turning three on Monday!!! She is getting to be such a big girl.
I just received a snapshot of her and her brother in their Halloween costumes... cute as ever! I love getting pics ... it is just so much fun to watch her grow!
I just received a snapshot of her and her brother in their Halloween costumes... cute as ever! I love getting pics ... it is just so much fun to watch her grow!
October has flown by...
Halloween is right around the corner!!! We are all excited about Sunday where we are hosting a pumpkin carving party. Lots of kids, lots of goodies, and hopefully it will be lots of fun.
Tomorrow we are having the last soccer games for Olivia and Sebastian and my coaching for the season is over. It has been a lot of fun coaching Sebastian's team .. although sometimes getting 9 2/3 graders to run in the same direction is like herding cats!! Magnus still has two more games, one tomorrow and then next Saturday too. Jane is also done with volleyball ... so we are taking a sports break for the next few months.
Between lots of soccer, volleyball, mountains (...and I mean mountains) of homework, this month have just flown by! I had one test in A&P earlier this month and the next one is coming up on Monday. There is so much information crammed into this course. I am loving the class and love the learning - but it is a little overwhelming. I just hope I can cram it all into my skull and be ready my Monday at 11AM :-)
Math is going ok ... it is a lot of repetition. I am a bit rusty in the math department when it comes to algebra. I am through about 55% of the material at this point and we just finished midterm-week. So I really need to a few more hours into - just not sure where to get them from!
My Health & PE class is great too. I really wish I had much more time to put into it. It provides lot of great information about personal training and how to make a great personal training program. It truly is very complimentory to the nutrition class I took over the summer...now again if I just had a few more hours in the day to workout, that class would totally rock!
Tomorrow we are having the last soccer games for Olivia and Sebastian and my coaching for the season is over. It has been a lot of fun coaching Sebastian's team .. although sometimes getting 9 2/3 graders to run in the same direction is like herding cats!! Magnus still has two more games, one tomorrow and then next Saturday too. Jane is also done with volleyball ... so we are taking a sports break for the next few months.
Between lots of soccer, volleyball, mountains (...and I mean mountains) of homework, this month have just flown by! I had one test in A&P earlier this month and the next one is coming up on Monday. There is so much information crammed into this course. I am loving the class and love the learning - but it is a little overwhelming. I just hope I can cram it all into my skull and be ready my Monday at 11AM :-)
Math is going ok ... it is a lot of repetition. I am a bit rusty in the math department when it comes to algebra. I am through about 55% of the material at this point and we just finished midterm-week. So I really need to a few more hours into - just not sure where to get them from!
My Health & PE class is great too. I really wish I had much more time to put into it. It provides lot of great information about personal training and how to make a great personal training program. It truly is very complimentory to the nutrition class I took over the summer...now again if I just had a few more hours in the day to workout, that class would totally rock!
Monday, September 24, 2012
Day 1 back to school...
This semester will be busy for sure!!! I had an appointment with the nursing adviser today and it turns out that the math I am enrolled in will not count towards the "residency" points for my nursing application because it is a pass/fail class. The problem is that all other math classes offered this term conflict with my A&P class or the children's schedules. Well that is with the exception of Calculus.....and I am NOT retaking that one - once was enough!
So my options now are to take an extra class this term or add another class in the winter term (in addition to Genetics and A&P II) ...neither one is really a great option. So I figured that I am going to bite bullet and opt for a PE class this term. I really do not want 11 credits but the way I look at is that at least 7 of my credits should be relatively easy. The math class is primarily self-guided, show up and do your work kind of thing and for PE - well what can I say, at least I will get exercise 3 days a week ;-). The bonus to taking the PE class now, is that I will be completely done with all the general credit classes required for the nursing program. So if I get accepted to the local program, I only have the nursing curriculum to concentrate on.
So for the next few months ... my nose will be in the books!
So my options now are to take an extra class this term or add another class in the winter term (in addition to Genetics and A&P II) ...neither one is really a great option. So I figured that I am going to bite bullet and opt for a PE class this term. I really do not want 11 credits but the way I look at is that at least 7 of my credits should be relatively easy. The math class is primarily self-guided, show up and do your work kind of thing and for PE - well what can I say, at least I will get exercise 3 days a week ;-). The bonus to taking the PE class now, is that I will be completely done with all the general credit classes required for the nursing program. So if I get accepted to the local program, I only have the nursing curriculum to concentrate on.
So for the next few months ... my nose will be in the books!
Back to school today...
Classes start back up today and I am SO ready to get going. I am taking A&P and math ... here is to hoping that I will not be completely buried in homework by the end of the week. Nah who I am kidding .. of course I will be :-)
I had a great birthday weekend. Beautiful and sunny out all day Saturday ... an excellent day to try out my birthday present at the bird estuary. My honey got me a kayak. Love it! It will be a great way for me to work on my upper body strength ~ my only conundrum at the moment is learning to get it on the top of my car by myself!
Have a great week everyone!
I had a great birthday weekend. Beautiful and sunny out all day Saturday ... an excellent day to try out my birthday present at the bird estuary. My honey got me a kayak. Love it! It will be a great way for me to work on my upper body strength ~ my only conundrum at the moment is learning to get it on the top of my car by myself!
Have a great week everyone!
Friday, September 21, 2012
All about perspective...
In my last post I wrote about my hurt feelings. In the overall context of life ... my feelings are just that mine. Putting a little more thought into it, a better term may have been disappointment. I never expected daily, weekly, or even monthly contact ... but I did expect some level of contact. Just a little news ... a girl can dream ~ maybe one day it will happen :-)
All I am doing is giving a voice to something that has been weighing on my heart. In the grand scheme of things, I feel certain that N is well cared for and loved beyond measure. He is a blessed little boy and I treasured the time I carried him.
Treasure the journey ~ enjoy the moments - and live life without regrets.
All I am doing is giving a voice to something that has been weighing on my heart. In the grand scheme of things, I feel certain that N is well cared for and loved beyond measure. He is a blessed little boy and I treasured the time I carried him.
Treasure the journey ~ enjoy the moments - and live life without regrets.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Hurt feelings but I would still have done the same...
Fall is here and my birthday is near. The change in season is a reminders that two years ago, I was gearing up for a transfer with L&J to help them complete their family. The transfer went perfectly but life is not always perfect ... Still I believe
in miracles and that every life circumstance will teach us something.
It may not always be lessons that we want to learn but none the less we will
take something away from all situations.
Since the birth of my first child, my birthday wishes has always included happiness for my children and my sweet little surro babes. This year I wish that little sweetheart N is growing bigger, hopefully stronger and more joyful to his beautiful family day by day. Some days I think a lot about N&J - it is a funny feeling of holding someone so close at heart while still letting them go.
I often wish that I would hear some news and my feelings are hurt that I do not. Then I think maybe this is how it would have been even if all had been perfect, after all that is the chance you take with surrogacy. Sometimes I think back at our emails and conversations laced with intent of keeping in touch...and wonder how I could have been so mistaken in what was yet to come. Then I think that life and circumstances just got in the way. Loss is hard and my journey with the twins ended in ways none of us wanted. So many thoughts clouds my head when thinking about it....retracing steps of the last days of my pregnancy and then of the days to come after. So many unanswered questions ... too many to count ... maybe I should not have left for NY the night I did, maybe I should have kissed little J's sweet cheek before his surgery. Maybe I should have held little N closer that last time I saw him. Maybe a few more minutes of holding him tight before taking L and him to the airport would have been ok - but I did not want to make them late. Had I known then what I know now, maybe I would have held on just a little longer instead of the hasty snuggles in goodbye... but is that not how we always think, that there will always be a next time? Reality is that sometimes there is not a next time.
Truthfully ... had I known, that soon I would never hear news again, I would still have done the exact same things. I would still have spent hours pumping milk because even though it was time consuming and heart breaking, I wanted to do everything I could to make a difficult situation just a little bit better. I would still have driven those many times 4-5 hours round trip just to catch little glimpses of two sweet little ones, to bring up milk to them, and for a chance to catch up with L to see how she was holding up. I would still have spend hours and hours praying for all of them and I would still have given Little N my hasty snuggles to ensure their timely arrival at the airpot.
Life goes on and time heals .. or so so they say. I do feel much stronger and better than I did a year ago. If nothing else, time does provide perspective. But I have learned something that I wish no mother ever had to learn. Loosing a child ~ even one that was just mine to love for a brief time ~ is not something that you can ever be healed from, it is something that you have to learn to live with. It changes you profoundly and life is never again the same.
I have so many blessing in my life .. so much joy that I am grateful for. Still at times an iron fist remains locked around part of my heart and closes in so tight that I can barely breathe. My heart will always have ragged edges, and a piece will forever be missing ... but still it remains overflowing with lots of love for all the incredible, beautiful, talented, spirited and wonderful baby feet that I have been blessed to carry deep inside below my jagged heart.
Since the birth of my first child, my birthday wishes has always included happiness for my children and my sweet little surro babes. This year I wish that little sweetheart N is growing bigger, hopefully stronger and more joyful to his beautiful family day by day. Some days I think a lot about N&J - it is a funny feeling of holding someone so close at heart while still letting them go.
I often wish that I would hear some news and my feelings are hurt that I do not. Then I think maybe this is how it would have been even if all had been perfect, after all that is the chance you take with surrogacy. Sometimes I think back at our emails and conversations laced with intent of keeping in touch...and wonder how I could have been so mistaken in what was yet to come. Then I think that life and circumstances just got in the way. Loss is hard and my journey with the twins ended in ways none of us wanted. So many thoughts clouds my head when thinking about it....retracing steps of the last days of my pregnancy and then of the days to come after. So many unanswered questions ... too many to count ... maybe I should not have left for NY the night I did, maybe I should have kissed little J's sweet cheek before his surgery. Maybe I should have held little N closer that last time I saw him. Maybe a few more minutes of holding him tight before taking L and him to the airport would have been ok - but I did not want to make them late. Had I known then what I know now, maybe I would have held on just a little longer instead of the hasty snuggles in goodbye... but is that not how we always think, that there will always be a next time? Reality is that sometimes there is not a next time.
Truthfully ... had I known, that soon I would never hear news again, I would still have done the exact same things. I would still have spent hours pumping milk because even though it was time consuming and heart breaking, I wanted to do everything I could to make a difficult situation just a little bit better. I would still have driven those many times 4-5 hours round trip just to catch little glimpses of two sweet little ones, to bring up milk to them, and for a chance to catch up with L to see how she was holding up. I would still have spend hours and hours praying for all of them and I would still have given Little N my hasty snuggles to ensure their timely arrival at the airpot.
Life goes on and time heals .. or so so they say. I do feel much stronger and better than I did a year ago. If nothing else, time does provide perspective. But I have learned something that I wish no mother ever had to learn. Loosing a child ~ even one that was just mine to love for a brief time ~ is not something that you can ever be healed from, it is something that you have to learn to live with. It changes you profoundly and life is never again the same.
I have so many blessing in my life .. so much joy that I am grateful for. Still at times an iron fist remains locked around part of my heart and closes in so tight that I can barely breathe. My heart will always have ragged edges, and a piece will forever be missing ... but still it remains overflowing with lots of love for all the incredible, beautiful, talented, spirited and wonderful baby feet that I have been blessed to carry deep inside below my jagged heart.
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