Hello .. I was thinking today that I miss my blog! Time flies and sometimes it is hard to keep up with everything that needs to be done. There are so many new social media platforms out there, things are evolving ever so quickly and I often get stuck in Facebook land, apps, youtube, instagram stories TikTok or Pinterest and wherever else I may need to go to keep up with the kids. Is anyone still hanging out on blogger ... I guess we will see ;-)
I have been journaling a lot over the last few years. It is a great way to reflect and work through life and issues. Recently, I realized that I miss coming on here to share the joys and up and downs of life. When we share life - it so much better. The loneliness of COVID isolation has been hard - even though I have been supported by family, friends and coworkers. The strife, loss and difficulties COVID has impacted us all. Many other events have intensified the political and societal climate and has exposed many issues both individual and societal bringing to the surface lots of need for reflection and for coming together to support one another.
This blog really started out all about my surrogacy journey and while surrogacy is not a current focus in my life, it will always hold a sweet and very tender spot in my heart. Today as I quietly celebrate a little N's birthday. Hoping he is celebrated, loved, and growing big and strong as he move into double digits! May 13 always demands for time to stop for little bit. To reflect and remember. Time heals .. but echoes of the early birth still ruminating in my heart, body and soul. It is something that I will be processing for the rest of my life and the imprints on my heart will always be heavy today. Through experience of labor and delivery and continued birthing work in my daily work life, I am blessed to continue to be part of birth stories .. and there is nothing better that watching the joy of parents welcoming their little new bundle of joy.
Life is always changing and I find myself changing a lot of the last few years too. I think this comes with my children growing older and more independent ... which is funny since I am definitely not getting older ;-) My mother-in-law always said she remained 27 .. while she has been gone for some years now, her laugh and giggle still rings in my mind. As I gain more life experience, I am trying to find the courage to "fit in my own skin," and finding that balance to truly be happy.
The last year of COVID, homeschooling, mask-wearing, minimal socializing has been hard. Sometimes life seems dark and complicated and at other times light, free. Looking back over not just the last few years but really the last ten, I see this emotional roller coaster of grief. How various losses have impacted my mental health in different ways. How being stuck in a grief pattern is mentally exhausting and how difficult it can be to get out of. But I also see how important it is to seek the light of life, embrace living fully and to realize that joy and magical things surrounds us every day.
Loss will always be a reality of life - living is terminal and all life must be lost at some point. It is what we do during the living part that makes the difference. At that is all up to each of us individually. Grief is fickle and often hits at inconvenient times. Sometimes quite frequently and sometimes times at a distance ... it is an ebb and flow just like the rhythm of the ocean waves. After the last few years with lots of journaling, counseling COVID style via Zoom, and spending a whole lot of time at home. I am ready for life to be lived. I am excited that vaccine rates are going up and feel hopeful that we can begin to return to a little bit of normalcy in daily life. I am ready to embrace living, and to set some of this heavy "grief" luggage down. Ready to be healthy in body, mind and soul and to figure out what really makes me tick. New things have come along in the last few years and many more opportunities lay ahead. I am finally ready to forgive my body and myself .. ready to find a better balance in life.
Striking just the right balance between family life, individual pursuit of happiness and personal development can be difficult .. but I find myself with a goal of focusing on the positive, seeking joy and happiness, pursuing a more minimal life style and embracing the law of attraction to bring good things back to me in return.
I am ready to find myself again, ready for change and ready for new challenges.
No comments:
Post a Comment