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Sunday, September 7, 2014

I am so completely in love...

Our little girl is so amazing and wonderful.  I just cannot get tired of looking at and holding her.  She is so sweet.

We were not planning to expand our family post surrogacy and when baby girl surprised us, it took a little time for the news to settle in but once it did, joy has permeated my heart, mind and soul.

My pregnancy has been wonderful but the fear of an early delivery and another loss crossed my mind many many times. Some of these thoughts were especially present as I passed through June and July and all the marking days for N&J's delivery and litte J's passing.   The last several weeks leading up to 26 weeks +3 days were a little nerve wrecking as all the "what if's" were lurking in the back of my head .. each day past that point was a gift of growth for our little baby girl.  

In addition, every day she stayed put below my heart while I finished nursing school was a victory.  I did worry that she would come early and somehow different plans would need to be made with respect to finishing school.  But she did it - she stayed put!!!  Graduation date was 8/29 and she was delivered at 37 weeks just a week later.  

Every day of this pregnancy I was thinking of my sweet twinkie surro boys and little N's early gathering of angel wings.  I will always be grateful for surrogacy and I will always be grateful for having felt the extra love of three sweet babies below my heart ... even as one is soaring with angels.  With that said, Baby girl has healed my heart in so many ways and the amazing joy that I feel in my heart is amplified by the gratitude I feel for this pregnancy and the blessing that true surprises can bring along.  I am just beyond grateful for having her come into our lives.

Having baby girl has given me a closure that I did not realize I needed.  Being a gestational surrogate will always be a big part of me and something that I am proud off.  Life is not perfect but the miracle of life even when held briefly within our hands is pure perfection. 

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