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Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Objectivity...

Take away from a conversation with Sebastian today:

S: Mommy what would happen if a huge gigantic asteroid hit the lake
Me: I guess we would get REALLY wet
S: No Mommy like the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs
Me: I don't know
S: We would go extinct Mommy!

Here I was, sitting in the car, hoping not to go extinct just yet!!

This conversation was so sweet and candid and I love these moments when I can tell that he is really starting to process things he is learning.  Fascinating to hear how he puts 2 and 2 together and trying to make sense of things.  Even more interesting as I am doing a lot of reading for my developmental psych class!  I am sure some of the various theorist (if still alive and not yet extinct!) may just have something to say about that conversation.  Anyway, I am excited about this class because I hope to gain some valuable insight not just for applicable usage once I get into the nursing field, but also for myself now.

There are two aspects of the class that I am particularly interested in - childhood development stages as I may glean some very valuable information to aid in my never ending quest to raise three bright and delightful children ....who will always speak nicely to their mommy, who will never throw pre-teen girlie fits completely with "if eyes could kill - you would be dead now" looks, or who will quit saying "just a minute" when being asked for the 5th, 6th or 7th time to get off the computer!!! .....ok ok I digress, maybe the class will not help me with those exact issues, but surely it will help me to become a more educated parent!

We will also be talking about grief and how these feelings impacts people.  I know I feel like I have been dealt such a shitty hand when it comes to grief ... but surely that is how all people feel when they loose someone they care about.  It is never fair and timing is never right.

A quote keeps floating back into my mind;

~ Better to have loved and lost .. than never to have loved at all ~

And yes .. it is better - it is harder but better!  

I feel grateful for the experience of carrying N&J.  I am saddened by their early arrival and still heartbroken over the loss of J ... but the experience have still made me a better person.  I cry sometimes and part of that is an ongoing process of loss and letting go.  Letting go of expectations  and being ok with knowing that I may never know how N is doing.  

I have gotten so much stronger over this last year - I am stronger person for what I have been through.  Truly loss happens all the time, it is eminent and especially for a nurse it is a reality that will linger close by.... So what is the trick?  Is it to remember the good things and warm our hearts on those memories when the going gets tough.  I know for me remembering that for a moment in time I brought joy and hope and the miracle of pregnancy where none was before, and although the end of the journey was troubled, I still brought the excitement of little feet to a very very loving home.  Or is it to have a place of solace to remember the people we loose?  For me visiting the grave site of my grandmother and my father will always be a staple in my life when I travel to Denmark and J's little sunny spot will forever be close to my heart.

Whatever it is, I hope to be enlighten in this class - I hope to gain some valuable knowledge to be able to handle situations with grace and humility and down the road be able to provide comfort for those in need.

....and if nothing else ~ even if I do become extinct by morning due to a massive asteroid hitting the lake close to my home ~ this I know - I am so much richer for having loved.  Although I may have lost, the memories of love lives on forever.

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