Thursday, June 28, 2012

Things to consider...

So this post has been in the workings for a while ... my plate has been pretty full recently but I want to give a quick update on the surrogacy plans.  Since we cancelled cycle in May, we have all had a lot to think about.

I have not shared much about why we cancelled the transfer but it was due to insurance issues.  The insurance options that we planned to use was no longer a viable option due to my early delivery with the twins.  And for those of you wondering - yes my history was disclosed to the insurance company but it did not become an issue until well ... last minute so to speak when they were pressed for specific details.  I guess most companies are happy to take the premiums but not as happy to incur the risk.  So we cancelled transfer - better to stop something than to have an issue later.

With this particular insurance option gone - we all knew that the end of the road was likely reached.  Insurance when undertaking surrogacy is very important.  Self-pay is certainly an option, but given how quickly the unexpected turn of events with the twins occurred, it is not really a risk that we wanted to take.  I knew that my insurance from back in the Midwest would not cover anything because we are completely out of network out here.  Furthermore, I was not hopeful on the likelihood that our new insurance would cover surrogacy as most specifically excludes it.

Low and behold, my new insurance does cover - but here is the hitch - it covers uncompensated surrogacy.  So the question for me to ponder was whether or not I can do that.  Surrogacy requires a lot of you both physically and emotionally but it is a gift regardless if those efforts are comped or not.  My main motivations for surrogacy was never the financial gain and that is certainly not what motivates me this time around either.  If anything, my last experience have taught me more about how precious life is and that you truly cannot put a value on it.  Parenthood is priceless.  I truly have it upon my heart to help A&S, so while I may not have considered an uncomped journey in the past, things have changed and knowing full well what goes into this, I have spent a lot of time over the last month pondering it....can I do it?  ....and yes I can do that - the incredible intrinsic rewards that come along with this act of giving the miracle of life to someone else is truly the reward that means the most to me.

This has however required a lot of discussion between Rio and I - because this is not just my decision to make.  He is as big a part of this as I am and his input is just as important as mine.  While I gain all the personal rewards, the financial aspect has made up for some of my shortcomings along the way such as when I was too tired to cook dinner and we ordered extra takeout, or when I simply had no energy to clean my house, I could pay someone to do it for me.  I need his support and unless he is ok with my decision - then it would be a no go.  How lucky I am to have a great supportive husband - who understands and care for me.  Bottom line is that he knows my wishes and my dreams to carry a baby for this couple.  The reasons are plentiful - are they tied to the outcome of my last pregnancy .. sure there is some to that ... but trust me when I say, that I am not pursuing another pregnancy because of that experience.  I knew A&S before I knew L&J and at this point we have a long history together and a very special friendship.  A and I email back on forth on most days - actually I think that she is probably the person that I emailed with most frequently these days.  Mostly my desire to do this comes from wanting to help some very sweet parents realize their dream of adding to their family.  Family is very important to me.

In life we do not choose our family ... if we did, I certainly have a few extra families that I would like to include in mine.  Sure I have met these families by chance ... but by chance or not, 3 families have crossed paths with mine and I am ever so blessed that they did.

So things are still in the works - I just really needed time to think through it all ... life is a journey - let's see where it takes us next!


greatdana said...

Wow Fie. What an amazing thing that you are considering doing this uncompensated. I'm sorry about the issues you are having with the insurance. I was curious why the cycle got canceled, thanks for the update.

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