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Monday, November 9, 2009

Reflections...

It is a bit strange to think of this amazing journey as nearly over for me but truly just beginning for M&M. This journey has been such a big part of my life for a long time and to be winding it down is both joyous and a little sad at the same time.

M&M and Baby V (and her brother) will always hold a very special place in my heart and I trust that I will always have a special place in their hearts as well. For now, I treasure the emails and pictures that I get and hope that the future will bring more chances to see the babies especially while I am pumping milk for them. I know that as time go on, M&M will move forward to new stages of parenthood - lots of exciting experiences are ahead of them as a family. I wish for them all a lifetime of love, joy and happiness together.

I, like them, will move on to new and exciting experiences. Over the last many months there has been a dual focus in my life - surrogacy and my own family. Although, I plan and hope to continue pumping milk for the babies for a good long time, my main focal point will begin to shift back to our family life and the raising of the three wonderful children that Rio and I have.

I feel so proud of what we have accomplished together...bringing Baby V into this world has been the definition of a group effort both before conception, during my pregnancy, and after her birth. Children can never have too much love. Over the course of the last few years (more than that for M&M!), many people have been a part of bringing these two special babies into the world for M&M to love - including M&M, their egg donor, the second surrogate, a host of medical staff, my children and husband, as well as love and care from many people who interact in our daily lives....and even though this special family may not be part of my daily life, I will carry them in my heart every day for the rest of my life...

I hope that even though life will bring many changes, we will continue to stay in touch. To receive an occasional phone calls, emails and picture updates of this beautiful family that I helped create will always be very dear to me. However, regardless of what the future holds...this journey has given me so much more than I ever expected. I went into surrogacy because I wanted to help a couple achieve their dream of a family. My children are the joy in my life and I wanted to give something special of myself to help create that dream for someone else. Little did I realize how much I would get in return. M&M came into my life and can truly say that they are amazing people - so thoughtful, kind and giving.

During this experience many beautiful moments have blessed my life in so many ways. The hope for a successful IVF transfer, the excitement of a positive beta and pregnancy test, the joy of feeling Baby V move for the first time - the feel of M&M hands on my belly as Baby V moved around and kicked back. Her amazing birthday - I could go on..

In the midst of all the excitement, my father's passing during this pregnancy was very difficult for me. However, the joy of carrying new life in my womb was a special reassurance that life always have new beginnings even when some doors close unexpectedly. This experience have taught me about humanity, about hope and loss but also about love and joy. Although I have always thought of myself as a very giving person, this has taught me about what it means to truly give of one self and how that spurs a return beyond measure.

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