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Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Tears...

My body is a jumbled mess of hormones. These first postpartum days makes me feel very vulnerable and lots of thoughts and feelings are racing through my mind and body.. I continue to feel really really good about this surrogacy journey. I am so happy about what I have done for M&M and it makes me very proud to have helped create their family. I feel elated when I think about all the wonderful experiences they have ahead of them as a family and I know in my heart that M&M will truly treasure their beautiful and amazing little girl along with her brother.

Feeling great about what I have done does not always stop my tears. I knew all along that at some point my emotions would catch up with me and all I can do is to let my tears flow. My tears are not of those of sadness or longing for a baby...but I think of them more as a reflection of the joy in my heart. Baby V grew in my womb for many months and she will always own a piece of my heart. I cherished her kicks and movements every day during my pregnancy and I loved feeling her inside of me. Now that she has arrived to join her wonderful family, I will always treasure the memories of my time with her in my belly as well as the time I spent with her at the hospital.

I thank M&M from the bottom of my heart for allowing me to spend so much time with Baby V while we stayed in the hospital. Nursing her was my special "welcome" gift to her. I believe that breast milk is the best start possible in this world and I am so fortunate that M&M feel this way too. I hope that I can continue to pump milk for her for a long time to come...and keep those sweet chubby checks looking wonderful.

Spending time alone with her, holding her, watching all her funny movements and sweet facial expressions, having her sleep on my chest, taking in her sweet smell, and caring for her allowed me to say goodbye to this special little person who has been such a big part of my life for the last many months. My hope is that I will get many updates on her life in the years to come, not just for me but also for my children who have been such a big part of growing this special little person.

I wish only the best for this new family. I hope that having children will bring so much love and joy into M&M's lives. There is nothing better in this world than experiencing life through the eyes of your children.

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