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Monday, April 29, 2013

Doors...

A saying goes that when one door closes another one opens.  I am saying my prayers for a door to open for A&S .. and if not a full door then someone please crack open a window!
We have decided to close the proverbial door on our journey.  Obstacles keep popping up and at some point enough is enough.  As I tell my children, in all races some one has to be last... I guess this is our race to be last.  It seems that every time things were looking up ... something looks back down.  We were once again fully set to go, confirmed insurance coverage, my body in great shape for a pregnancy and testing coming back good ... then a very sudden and unexpected loss of a job for my hubby and thereby loss of insurance.  BAM another smack in the face and a big challenge for my family as we try to regroup and figure out what to do next.  We all feel like we have been pulled through the ringer and perhaps it is just time to let go...letting go is hard and I hate it but I guess such is life.
This roller coaster of ups and downs and almost "there" has been gut wrenching ... but I know beyond the shadow of doubt that I am richer by a friendship.  Their desires were strong, my intentions were good and our match was great .. but sometimes strong, good and great is not enough.  Nothing is fair surrogacy, the road can be long and sometimes is does not end where it should.  Life is unfair .... 
Who knows where my road will lead ... who knows what doors will open next.  I will open my eyes and my heart to the wonder of life's journey and wait to feel the gentle breeze flowing in from an open door ~ hopefully it will the door of nursing school beckoning me to enter :-)

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