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Thursday, June 2, 2011

Appointment at OSHU...

Based on recommendation from one of the OB's at Legacy, I have made an appointment with a counselor who specializes in perinatal mental health. Delivering the babies early has been extremely difficult for me emotionally. I hope that talking through the experience will be beneficial and hopefully provide some tools that I can use to work through the emotional challenges that I struggle with.

Fact is that I wish I could have done so much more for N&J. I long to carry them in my belly still and I have a hard time accepting that my pregnancy was so abruptly ended for no good reason... well clearly there was a physical reason as one placenta abrupted .. but why did it have to happen? I long for an answer that I know I will never get .. instead I know I have to find acceptance with a reality that I never expected nor wanted.

Some days are harder than others.... the days that the boys are doing well are good days but can still make me cry. The days that the boys are facing challenges are hard ... I wish I could take away their struggles as well as spare L&J for the heart ache of watching their little boys fight so hard in the NICU.

I pray daily for good days for them ... for growth and healthy babies. A friend send me the below scripture .. I hold onto that as I got to believe that N&J will grow big, strong and healthy and that they will grow up to do wonderful things in life.

Jeremiah 29:11

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

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