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Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Angel wings...

Why, why...WHY???

I am so angry that I can scream ... I am sad and heartbroken and I do not know how to put my world back together right now.

Little N&J were both doing well, growing and putting on weight. They both looked so good last Friday when I saw them and J was pulled of his cpap and was tolerating it well. For Father's Day L send some cute pictures of them both ... and then a sudden turn of events.

J developed a NEC (Necrotizing Enterocolitis) infection and it ravaged his little body. He was put on a ventilator and endured surgeries to remove parts of his bowel....poor little J...but the infection was too strong for him to overcome. I have said so many prayers for him and his family ... and wished with all that I am that he would be the little miracle who defied the odds. Sadly it was not to be.

My heart is broken in a million little pieces .. Little J .. you own a piece of my heart and I will always always carry you with me - if there was anyway for me to go back and change whatever and still be pregnant I would .... if I could anything to take away all the pain I would that too.

Life is so unfair...one moment things seems all status quo and the next things are all wrong. Friday the 13th was one of those days and Monday the 20th was another. The first one you came into this world way way to early without any forewarning and because of reasons I do not know and the second you developed an infection that was just too much for you little precious body to handle.

I know that you are flying with angels and that little wings are propped beautifully on your shoulders. It is so hard to know that you are gone and that I will never hold your sweet little hand again.

Thank you for bringing beauty into my life - you have blessed me even with your short presence ... I desperately wished that you could have stayed longer ... that I could have done so much more for you. Sweet little J ~ fly and be free ... you beautiful little angel. I love you so much!

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