Monday, October 24, 2011


Tomorrow I have an appointment with a MFM doctor (maternal fetal medicine) - Dr. E - at a clinic local to us here in Illinois.  After my early delivery back in May, I was given the advice to seek an objective view of my delivery record, pathology report (from the twins' placentas), and pregnancy history in the event I should ever contemplate another pregnancy.

And for the record, I am not even close to thinking about another pregnancy, but I do seek some closure for my own edification.  Some days I still struggle with the sudden loss of control I felt (and still feel) with regards to my pregnancy ending way too soon and while I hear the words of the OB's doing the delivery in the back of my head, I also still hear the deafening WHY???

So I decided to make an appointment with the MFM here and discuss my records.  If the case is that I need to completely close the "pregnancy, birth and baby" chapter in my life then I want to know that now.

I am so happy with the family that we have.  I love my children more than anything in this world and I often think fondly of the sweet babies I have been privileged to carry under my heart.  But it would be untruthful for me to say that the events surrounding N&J's early delivery and the loss of little J have not stirred thoughts in my heart.  That is not so say that I feel the need to add to our family in any way ... I am just sad that my last pregnancy ended the way it did.


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