Wednesday, August 17, 2011

My sweet angel...

Dear Little Angel J

Today was the day you and N were supposed to be born.  Sadly you came much too soon.  You were loved so much by so many and although you were here ever so briefly .. I know that you were brought into my life for a reason and I will forever feel grateful to have carried below my heart.

The questions of why still lingers and although I am trying my best to get past it … I just do not understand why our God let things like this happen … why would he take you away from us.   I do not know why you had to leave my belly so soon or why you had to endure suffering ... I prayed for you to not be in pain… that you would stay strong and fight but that you knew when to let go.  I wanted so desperately for you to be ok and to grow big and strong and healthy.  I so wanted you to grow and go home to play with you big brothers and sisters.  To live a long happy life … sweet J - I had so many dreams and hopes for you. 

The night you earned your angel wings, I prayed that you would stay with us …. I begged God for his help to keep you safe but I also prayed that if it truly was your time then you would know it was ok to let go - sadly you were called to heaven way to soon… now I just pray that you soar with your angel wings and hold your protective hands over your sweet big brother N. 

Although I did not learn of your passing until later, I barely slept at all that night.  All I could think of was you ... I am so incredible sad that you had to leave us.  I am so sad for the heartache and pain your passing brought to your parents … We were not ready for you to go.  We all just wanted more time to love you and get to know you.  I hope that with time we will all heal and again see the sun behind the clouds along with the beautiful rainbow that often follows the rain. 

Little J the memory of holding you close will forever be etched in my mind  ... You will always live in my heart and you will forever be loved.


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