It worked...

We have an offer on the house!!!  Yeah!  So now begins all the fun of the short sale loops and hoops.  I pray that is will be a quick process and not drag on forever.  As much as I am very sad about selling our home, I am extremely excited about the prospect of not having both a mortgage and rent to pay.

Keeping my fingers crossed :-)

Ouch...

With another price reduction reflected (insert lots of expletives here!!!), we are finally getting some action on the house front.   We have had three showings in the last couple of days which is great news and now we wait ... I will be so happy if we can get the house sold as having both a mortgage and rent to pay is only sustainable for so long. 

However, I must say that I am so unhappy about the price that we are listing at ... it seems so ridicules that the market pricing could decrease that drastically.  I know we are not the only ones in this situation but it truly stinks that as of right now, our listing price is about 40% less that our valuation the home just after we finished building and landscaping just 3 1/2 years ago!  Ouch!

Anyways ... I try not to think about it and instead focus on something else.  Like getting the home we are renting here in order.  The boxes are slowly departing - well aside from all the ones that Sebastian insists are his castle!  Soon I will have the moving company come and pick up the ones to get disposed off - we are keeping the majority of the boxes in anticipation of our next move but at least for the next year we are somewhat settled.

Fall is here and it is getting cold, wet and dark.  Seems like I should be totally used to the rain since it rains all the time in Oregon ... but it is different here in Illinois.  It pretty much down poured all day yesterday ... so depressing ~ but on the upside I got lots of organizing done!

Turning 37...

Tomorrow is my birthday and while I am not sure that I am ready to be a year older .. time is ticking!

Sitting here and reflecting on life, I think it is actually a privilege to be turning a year older.  Not everyone will get to celebrate their next birthday and today in particular I am a little sad that J will never get that chance.  I makes me sad to know that we will never get to watch him grow or that his family will never get to see the excitement in his little eyes as he opens them up from making his wish just before blowing out the candles on his cake.  We all miss you sweet angel.

While some lives are cut way to short others are granted longs lives and many birthdays.  My grandmother lived to be 99 and just yesterday Rio's great aunt Helen passed away at the prime age of 103. 

I know better than to take life for granted ~ no one is ever promised tomorrow.  Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a "present."  As I await the dawn of my birthday and look ahead to a year of being 37, I hold close the many special people in my life that I have lost ~ especially my sweet little angel J. 

I am certain that many new adventures lay just around the corner and it sure is fun to make plans for the future.  As fun as it is to make new plans, I also love to reflect on all the wonderful experiences that I have enjoyed so far in my life.  Life goes by so quickly and nothing makes me more conscious of that than watching my children grow.  So here it is ... another year passed another birthday arriving.  My birthday wish this year, is to live more in the "present."  Make the moments count and enjoy the gifts of today.

Box after box...

Unpacking has begun!  The truck arrived today and all our stuff was unloaded ... now begins the fun of unpacking and getting everything back in order.

I am really happy with the house we are renting and once we get fully settled I think it will be really great.  There is lots of space for everyone and plenty of room for the dogs to roam in the fully fenced in back yard.  I truly think we will enjoy living here.

Waves...

Sadness comes in waves and this morning after the kids went of on the school bus it just hit me full force.  Another surrogate from SMO just delivered twins at just around 25 weeks gestation - I do not know much about her other than she has had 5 previous singleton pregnancies and this is her first twin pregnancy.  From her postings, I can tell that she went into labor at 24 +3 without much forewarning at all.  Luckily they were able to stall labor and hold of on deliver for another 4 days.  Being able to hold off on delivery would have allowed for steroid shots to help the babies lungs mature and for magnesium which has proven benefits for babies too in the event of premature deliveries.

It made me so sad to read the short note about her delivery via c-section.  Her story resembles mine ... good previous singleton pregnancies and then BAM a change and a twin pregnancy coming to an end! 

My heart goes out to the surrogate.  I know that she, her IP's and babies have a rough ride ahead.  I pray that the babies are doing well and that the NICU will be kind to them.  I pray for courage for the parents who will endure so much worry and heartache in looking at their little ones struggle just to live.   I pray for the babies that they will grow strong and have minimal life long effects of their early arrival and that they get to home to be loved and cherished. 

I wish this experience on no one and the fact that someone else is embarking on a "ride" similar to the one L&J and I have just been through makes me cry....it makes my heart hurt.

Grow babies grow...

Goal...

So now that we are getting settled I really need to get back to working out.  My first goal is two-fold; get back to the C25K program (...I really was doing well but the move sort of got in the way!!!) and to drop about 5 lbs by October 13 ~ hopefully I can do it.

I actually have no idea of my current weight as my scale is on the moving truck....however, I am sure our cross-country stint on fast food did not do me any favors :-)

Hopefully by Christmas time I will be down to about 125 lbs and back in great shape ... still pondering that vacation and looking good in a swimsuit would be a nice bonus.  Of course I could continue to do nothing and then go skiing instead ... the extra "flubber" (as Sebastian affectionately refers to as my belly) could keep me warm!!!

Quiet...

..the house is so quiet!  The kids have all started school and they are now all three going full days.  Sebastian has been worn out the last couple of nights!  I am glad to have the back in school and they seem to be settling into the new routine and surroundings very well.

Olivia is starting band this year and I just ordered her clarinet ~ we found a purple one .. she loves it and cannot wait for it to get here.

Magnus is in middle-school now and his schedule is very different from what he is used to ... but so far so good.  I love the fact that he has PE everyday.

Unfortunately, it seems that we will completely miss soccer season this year which makes all three of them a bit unhappy ... I have left a few messages but we are not getting any response.  So now I am pondering what other activities we should involve them in.

During all this quiet time I have been doing a ton of cleaning.  The home we are renting is really lovely but it has a musty smell of "old smoke".  Although the home was listed as "non-smoking", I think previous owners at some point use to smoke and the odor is stuck in the woodwork.  I have been wiping everything down with a vinegar and lavender solution and it is helping some. 

Well off to clean some more and to hit Bath and Body works for some "out-let" fragrance plug-ins....hoping that my truck will show up on Monday!!!

4 months old...

Today sweet little N is 4 months old ~ happy 4-month day little guy ~ wishing you a great day today and everyday.  I am so thankful that you are at home.

I got some really cute pictures of him while on our drive from Oregon to Illinois and he is doing really well.  One was of an "almost" smile .. the camera just missed it ... he is so cute.

Back in Illinois...

What a looooong drive from the Oregon coast to central Illinois....especially with 3 kids and 2 dogs in tow!  We left the coast on Wednesday afternoon after the moving truck pulled out and after Olivia gave the neighborhood something to remember her by.  Her screaming!!!  Poor girl got stuck on the eyelid by a yellow jacket just before we were getting ready to leave - her face was swollen for days but she is now back to looking good a new.

Wednesday we made it to Bakers City in Oregon - good progress for day one.  On Thursday we drove to Utah and we got to spend some time with my IM's parents.  They were very wonderful to all of us.  It was nice spending time with them and getting to know them and so incredibly nice of them to invite us to stay overnight.  I went to the cemetery with little J's grandmother and having her with me there was just very special for me ~ I am very thankful to her for being there.

On Friday we drove through Wyoming .... boring!!!  On Saturday we drove through Nebraska ... yawn!!!  I am certain that both of these states have wonderful things to offer visitors but certainly none of these things are located easily accessible of Interstate 80.

Sunday morning we left Omaha and drove the rest of the way.  We did a quick pit stop in Elk Horn, Iowa which is the first official Danish Settlement in the USA.  It was fun to go see - we did not stay long but I am sure we will go back to visit at some point in the future.

Finally we made it to the rental house around dinner time on Sunday ...  now we just have to wait for the moving truck to get here with out stuff too and this could take time.  I called the driver today to get an update on a delivery date and apparently the truck broke down the day he picked up from us and the driver has been stuck in Portland since then waiting for a truck part.  :-( ....now he says delivery will most likely be on the latest possible date that we were given so the house will be empty for a while still.

Anyways ... the kids are registered for school and they start tomorrow.  Yeah!  They are so excited to meet new friends but also nervous about a new school and not knowing anyone.

J's little sunny spot...

Yesterday I visited little J's grave site.  It is a beautiful sunny spot at the foothills of the Wasatch Mountain range.  A gentle breeze was blowing as I was sitting there and the sun was shining down on me.  I thought that maybe just maybe little J was looking down on me from above too.

When I think of the babies, I always think of them in a pair and it will forever be hard to know that they will never be together in their little pair here on earth again.  I placed two white and purple violets by his little grave ... one seemed too lonely.  I know that my thoughts about N&J will always be enter-twined - the pain will never go away but I pray that the rawness will subside and lead the way to a smaller sting instead of such a strong grip on my heart.

I let go of my tears as I sat there for a while - remembering his little kicks in utero and all the good things in my pregnancy ... remembering all the difficult times around the birth and the days that followed.  This has been such a hard summer.

Going to visit J was such a good thing for me.  Saying goodbye brings some closure.  I miss you little J ... I miss that you are not at home with your parents.  You are forever beloved and always in my heart...

Goodbyes are always hard...

The house is almost packed up and the moving truck will be rolling in Tuesday morning.  It makes me incredible sad to be leaving a home that we love but it makes it easy to do when I know what is ahead.  Our family back together again. 

There are many things that I will miss - especially the sound of the ocean and the view of endless waves....on the upside we will have a lake down behind our back yard and although it will not bring the roll of the ocean waves it may bring an occasional splash (...even if I have to go make it myself!) 

Saying goodbye is never easy ... I hate goodbyes and prefer instead to think of them as "see you later."  See you later leaves open the possibilities for the future ... possibilities of many good things to come.

On our journey back to the Midwest, there is one final goodbye that I have to make and this one is ever so difficult.  I am very pleased that I will have the opportunity to go to see little J's final resting place even though I know it will be a very hard thing to do.  My heart still hurts and every day I think of our sweet little angel.  I look forward to just being there by his side for just a little while.

Frosty frosty frosty...

Today is day four of no pumping and that completely engorged feeling is finally going away....I have quite the rack ;-) too bad Rio is not around to enjoy it!!!  Anyways my boobs are still sore and have that full feeling but at least it is no longer painful. 

A second milk shipment went out today.  I shipped it from our local post office instead of one in Portland so it had to be dropped off quite a bit earlier actually already by 12:30PM.  Hopefully it will still make it to little N good and frozen.

I have somewhere north of 300 ounces remaining in the freezer.  I plan to pack it in the cooler and take it to L's mom on our way to Illinois.  L's mom is so sweet and have invited us to stay with them overnight during our journey back East.  It is such a kind thing for her to offer and I am really looking forward to seeing her again.  The first time we met was on the day that J got really sick .... such a sad and difficult day.

On our drive I am also planning to visit little J's final resting place ~ I am so happy to get the opportunity to go there and getting to say my goodbyes to a sweet little angel.