Saturday, September 10, 2011

J's little sunny spot...

Yesterday I visited little J's grave site.  It is a beautiful sunny spot at the foothills of the Wasatch Mountain range.  A gentle breeze was blowing as I was sitting there and the sun was shining down on me.  I thought that maybe just maybe little J was looking down on me from above too.

When I think of the babies, I always think of them in a pair and it will forever be hard to know that they will never be together in their little pair here on earth again.  I placed two white and purple violets by his little grave ... one seemed too lonely.  I know that my thoughts about N&J will always be enter-twined - the pain will never go away but I pray that the rawness will subside and lead the way to a smaller sting instead of such a strong grip on my heart.

I let go of my tears as I sat there for a while - remembering his little kicks in utero and all the good things in my pregnancy ... remembering all the difficult times around the birth and the days that followed.  This has been such a hard summer.

Going to visit J was such a good thing for me.  Saying goodbye brings some closure.  I miss you little J ... I miss that you are not at home with your parents.  You are forever beloved and always in my heart...


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