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Monday, January 2, 2012

Perhaps...

In my adventure into surrogacy, I have met three wonderful couples.  Each of these couples have become very dear to me and knowing their stories have given me much respect of my own fertility and how lucky I really am.  When I met M&M they were embarking on their journey to parenthood via surrogacy after many failed attempts of IVF and I was able to give birth to a beautiful little Violet for them.  L&J already had children through surrogacy but wanted to add to their family.  For them I had the absolute pleasure of carrying the two baby boys ~ sweet baby N and beautiful angel J.  In between those two journeys, I met A&S ... a couple who had carried a child of their own but still longed for more...

I became acquainted with A&S over a year and a half ago and got to know them pretty well.  We had lots of correspondence back and forth but at the time, pursuing a journey together was just not meant to be.  Although we did not plan a surrogacy journey together, A and I have stayed in touch ever since.  I truly enjoy my correspondence back and forth with A.  She is a sweet and caring mother and I enjoy hearing little tidbits of their life every so often as well as sharing parts of mine with her.

As many IP's, A&S have had a long journey and it is not over yet.  Since we "met" I have said countless of prayers for them, wishing right along with them that this was the right match and their journey would blast forward....sadly there have been beginnings but the end of the story has yet to be written.  Surrogacy is definitely not for the faint of heart.  There are so many factors that comes into play when planning a journey and sometimes the stars takes a while to align.  Like I have said many times, surrogacy is a "hurry up and wait" game ...and sometimes the wait is very long.  The point I am trying to make is that they are still longing more than ever to hold a sweet baby in their arms and I still wish it will happen for them very soon.

I have shared my beautiful journey of Violet with them as well as our wonderful article and television appearances.  I know that parts of that story has touched her heart and given strength to move forward in their journey.  Since I had N&J, I have also shared the events of that journey, the beauty and the heartbreak.  Not everything in surrogacy is wonderful.  A has provided some cheering up and kind words in the process.  Sharing of both the beautiful things and not so pretty things in surrogacy is important because life does not always go according to plan.  Sharing has helped me mend my heart and navigate through my grief, but it has also allowed for a way to shine a light on how wonderful surrogacy is and can be.

Recently my conversations with A have turned to possibilities...sure these are coming from a point of frustration as there has once again been hick-up in their journey of adding to their family.  But even so allowing those thoughts to blossom has my heart skipping a beat.  For now I truly hope that their bump in the road is quickly ironed out so they can move forward soon again ... I so wish for them that the GS they have chosen will be able to carry their treasured gold and bring a sweet little baby to them very soon.

For my own reasons, and I am sure some will think very selfish reasons, I would love the opportunity to carry another little one below my heart.   I do not "feel" done with pregnancy and fact is that I would love to feel the joy and life of a sweet baby in my belly again.  Lots of people have asked me if I would do another journey and my answer has been very consistent ... I would love to but regardless of my own desires .. all things being equal, I am probably not the best choice.  The likelihood of me seeking out a new set of intended parents is just not there when I know their bets may be better hatched elsewhere.  However, this feels different...I have known A for a long time now.  We almost embarked on a journey together and I know her heart, her dreams and wishes for adding to their family.  I have felt their heart ache when things have not gone as planned and many times have I sent prayers in their direction hoping that a sweet babe would be in their arms soon.  When we decided not to pursue a journey together, it was more because of timing issue than a personality issue.  If they, given everything I have been through, would want my help to add to their family, I would say yes in an instant and do what I can to help make their dream to come true.

Who knows if these hypotheticals will ever lead anywhere but I admit it is much fun to entertain the possibility.  After all is that not what a brand new year is for ~ entertaining all the possibilities of a new day and the new year to come?  Certainly much needs to be considered and looked into and there are risks ... but then again life carries risk!  The most important thing is that I have been completely up front and honest with A&S about my history.  I know the risks, I know the precautions needed, and so do they.  We all have a certain level of risk that we are willing to tolerate when worthwhile adventures are pursued ... and perhaps just perhaps sometimes the risks are well worth it!


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