It is no secret that the last couple of weeks have been extremely difficult for me ... and since I have plenty of time to surf the net as I spend a whole lot of time attached to my good friend aka the Medela Symphony Pump, I have been doing lots of research on premature deliveries and placental abruption.
I know that I will not find the answer to WHY this happened - and maybe I should know better than continually search for a reason .. but part of me just want a reason - any reason! Just tell me the reason was that I put my left shoe on before the right shoe ... and I can be mad at my shoes and never put them on in the wrong order again .. ohh I don't know - anything to blame would be good. I know I know blame does not serve a purpose .. but the "not knowing why" is annoying the crap out of me.
In my searches I found this one article about grief and coping - it gives a very good reflection of the range of emotions I am going through and has helpful information;
http://www.preemie-l.org/ALEXIs21.html
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