I woke up and life was ultimately changed in a direction that I never foresaw coming.. I still do not understand what went wrong and my heart is broken in a million little pieces.
A week ago today little N & J were born at 26 weeks 2 days gestation - too early to leave my tummy love and enter this world. They are doing well and making progress everyday and for that I am eternally grateful.
I know that as much as I feel broken and sad, L&J is going through a equally if not more so difficult time. Although I can not change nature ... God knows I would try if I could .. I would do anything to be able to take away the anguish and pain they must feel over this entire situation. I wish that my body could have done so much more for them and for N&J ... and it is hard accepting the limitation that I could not.
Instead I must focus on what I can do. I Got Milk!! My milk is coming in and my supply is expanding a little bit day by day. Pumping is helping me heal in body, mind and soul. I feel like I am still doing something good for them and I am still helping them grow although in a much different way than I anticipated at this point.
The babies had both gained a little bit of weight yesterday ... Yeah! Grow babies Grow!!
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