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Thursday, May 19, 2011

Tears...

The tears in my heart will not stop falling this morning - one moment I feel ok but the next I feel so far in the dumps.... An article in Parents Magazine about movement in utero caught my eye as I was eating breakfast ... oh how I wish I could feel those wonderful belly kicks right now...how I wish that instead of waking up every 3 hours to pump milk I was waking up every few hours to go to the bathroom and re-adjust the pillows to support my belly.

Do not get wrong, I am ever so thankful that N&J are doing well. There is not one moment of my day that I do not hold them high in my prayers and think of them....may every day for them be better than the one before.

But I struggle with everything right now ... being "thankful and grateful" that they are well is just so hard when so much of me wishes that they just were not here yet. I should still be loving them in belly ... I should still be nourishing them with my every breath. I should be caring for them and watching over them ... not nurses and doctors and machines ....

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