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Sunday, May 29, 2011

Interesting article...

It is no secret that the last couple of weeks have been extremely difficult for me ... and since I have plenty of time to surf the net as I spend a whole lot of time attached to my good friend aka the Medela Symphony Pump, I have been doing lots of research on premature deliveries and placental abruption.

I know that I will not find the answer to WHY this happened - and maybe I should know better than continually search for a reason .. but part of me just want a reason - any reason! Just tell me the reason was that I put my left shoe on before the right shoe ... and I can be mad at my shoes and never put them on in the wrong order again .. ohh I don't know - anything to blame would be good. I know I know blame does not serve a purpose .. but the "not knowing why" is annoying the crap out of me.

In my searches I found this one article about grief and coping - it gives a very good reflection of the range of emotions I am going through and has helpful information;

http://www.preemie-l.org/ALEXIs21.html

Saturday, May 28, 2011

A tad bit jealous...

For the most part, I do not consider myself a jealous person .... surely I can be jealous of people winning a nice big lottery prize or something else great ... but most of the time I am just really happy for people who are fortunate enough to have luck shine down on them. Lately however, the last two weeks to be specific, I have been VERY jealous...and yes it is something that I will overcome with time but for now I am so incredible jealous of anyone with a nice big round pregnant belly.

Jealous enough that it can bring tears to my eyes. A neighbor of mine, who just recently moved in and I have yet to meet, is pregnant. When I saw her this morning she just glowed. She looked wonderful and her belly was so nice and round! As I was coming around the corner, I truly wanted to go and say hello and wish her welcome to the neighborhood but I just couldn't ... lucky for me she seemed to be in a rush and heading off anyway so hopefully I did not come off as being rude.

I miss my belly - I miss it so much. I know it probably sound strange to many but I was just not done enjoying my pregnancy yet. I was still suppose to have plenty of time to rub my belly and love on those little babies growing in there - time to enjoy their little kicks and movements...

My weight is going down and my closet has been cleaned out of every bit of maternity clothing ... I had some cute stuff that I had not gotten to wear yet and some pieces that went back to Target as I just bought them two days before my emergency delivery.

Two full bags are now sitting on my bedroom floor taunting me while I decide what to do with them. Seeing them in my closet was just too hurtful of a reminder of the premature end to this pregnancy....dang this is just hard!

Friday, May 27, 2011

2 weeks old today...

N & J are two weeks old today! Gestational age is 28 weeks and 2 days. Such little sweet hearts!

I went up to see them today and to drop off milk for them. I was so good to see them .. they are still so tini tiny but are the sweetest little things. Both of them were sleeping while I was there - but I did get a couple of peeks at their eyes - especially N's - as their diapers were getting changed. So cute!

The last few days have provided some ups and downs for N...it is ever so difficult to know he is struggling. I know that with preemies there are always so many things to worry about and what if's and things can make a turn for the worse really quickly but it can also change back just as quick ... really all anyone can do it to take life one day at the time and hope and pray for the best possible outcome. I have strong faith that two sweet little boys will grow big soon!

Mom has gotten to hold both of her boys and Dad have held Baby J ... I know they treasured that and it must be so sweet holding them close.

They are tolerating my milk well and their feedings are increasing hopefully they will pack on some weight soon. I am making sure that I get lots of different kinds of foods ... and have been eating lots and lots of raisins to get more iron into my diet and hope that will help with N's anemia. ....it was tempted to have a diet of donuts for Magnus' birthday and thinking that the extra calories will make my milk good and fatty for them .. but for those of you who are wondering, I only ate 1 1/2 donut!

I am getting to feel much much better and on more even footing emotionally. I was really in shock that this happened - I know that any pregnancy can throw a curve ball at you - just did not think I was going to happen to me!... I still have some "down" moments - and hearing not so good news about the babes is especially hard....but for now they are both having a good day and I will do a happy dance for that anytime.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Worried about Baby N...

I know your Mom and Dad are so worried about you and so am I. You have been in my thoughts constantly and I look forward to coming to see you tomorrow. It is so hard to know that you are struggling and I wish there was something that I could do to make you feel better. I pray that you will have a good calm night filled with restful sleep and that tomorrow will be a much better day for you.

Post surgery follow-up...

Today I went back to see Dr. E for my 2-week post surgery follow-up. She is such a wonderful OB and I really appreciate her taking time to talk through my delivery experience. She is so very caring and I have been fortunate to have her as my OB.

My external scar has healed well and I am released to drive and carry on normal activities within limitations as long as I do not feel pain.

I still feel tender - like a tinkling - on my belly. Part of it is due to the healing process from the internal incision and as my stomach muscles moves completely back together. It is also likely due to some nerve damage from surgery and may never entirely disappear - only time will tell on that one.

I am amazed at the amount of weight I have dropped already ... because trust me it is not from lack of eating - my wonderful neighbors have kept me and the family well fed!! I have dropped 16 pounds from the morning of delivery and have just 8-10 more to go to hit my pre-pregnancy weight from October....for good measure, I would like to drop another 10 on top of that to get back to my pre-Magnus weight!!!

As I came home, I received a text from L ... little N is having a bit of trouble breathing the last couple of days and is needing another blood transfusion...my thoughts are with him this morning and I just pray that he will be much better after the transfusion. Baby N ... I know you are a fighter ... breathe baby - breathe and grow!

On another note, today is Magnus' birthday ... my big boy is turning 12! He is getting so big and independent ... wishing him a very happy birthday!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Thank You...

I am so grateful for great friends and neighbors. They have really rallied around us during this difficult time and all the help has been so appreciated. I am so thankful for my friend Marah who at the drop of a hat came to the house and watched my children and dogs for the weekend and made sure they got back off to school Monday morning.

While in the hospital, I had a great surro-friend visit a couple of times .. her kind words and time spent with me (and her hubby) was ever so wonderful. My previous IP's M&M also came to visit .. I am so fortunate to have them in my life. They are so great and bring great conversation and perspective. I truly appreciate all their kindness and cherish their friendship. Little Miss V is so lucky to have great parents!

Rio flew in to Portland late Sunday night after I delivered Friday ... lucky for us a wonderful neighbor was in town on Monday and gave us a ride back to the coast... such a sweetie. After coming we have had meals delivered, had help with child care and with driving us places while I was not able to. My friend Maria was kind enough to drive Rio to the airport when he was returning to Wisconsin and me to the hospital to drop off milk and to visit the babies.

Thank you all - it has been so heart warming and humbling to feel all this love from so many people...

Monday, May 23, 2011

Yeah...

Today is a VERY good day!

Except from L's blog:
N&J both received their head and brain ultrasounds early this morning. We waited very impatiently for their results. The Dr. finally brought us the results and they were both totally normal and looked just fine. What a HUGE relief. We were VERY nervous about them.

It is such a relief to hear that news. Both babies have gained weight and N (the littlest one) has surpassed his birth weight. I am sure that J will follow suit soon. Also Mommy had some snuggle time with both babies today - the pictures were so precious..I know it must have felt like heaven getting to hold them close ... grow babies grow!!!

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Taking time...

Healing takes time both physically and emotionally. My physical recovery from the surgery is going well and I have been able to manage my pain mostly with over-the-counter medication. My external incision was done as a bikini line cut and it is laying really low on my tummy. I have some minor pain right around the outer edges and can feel a somewhat hard line right along the incision, but it looks good and seems to have healed very well. My internal incision is a classic c-section cut or also known as a vertical cut. The vertical cut is most often used for emergency c-sections including premature deliveries. It will be a bit before my stomach muscles will come completely together again. I have some isometric exercises that are safe to do and I will just have to be patient and let the healing take the time is needs. I go to see Dr. E on Thursday for my 2-week post surgery check-up - hopefully everything will look good and I will be cleared to drive again. As of today I am have lost 16 pounds since I delivered the babies...at any other point in my life, I would be ecstatic to see the number on the scale head South .. but right now, every little part of me wishes that I was still pregnant and the number was heading North instead.

I wish I felt as good emotionally as I do physically. All the pregnancy hormones racing around in my body combined with all the emotional stress of early delivery is creating a bit havoc. I am trying to feel good but sometimes I just don't...not right now anyway. Really it comes and goes - I have good moments and then I have really sad moments. I know that it is just part of it and I am working my way through all these emotions and coming to terms with how quickly and abruptly my journey ended. It will be a process...and it feels like a difficult one right now. I know that that the sun is out there through the clouds somewhere and eventually I will be fine .. but I expect that until I know that the boys will be well and can go home safely this will be struggle.

After delivering V, I felt so complete and accomplished...I felt wonderful knowing that I helped complete a family. This time everything is so different. I delivered two sweet little boys who will no doubt be treasured by their parents and family ... but I did not get all of "my time" with them. I was not ready to let them go - they were not done being cared for by me.

I call the NICU on most days to check in on the boys and see how they are doing...it helps hearing new from there and makes me glad to know when they are having a good day. Hearing of difficulties are hard and I just pray that the amazing doctors and NICU staff at Emanuel will work their magic in getting N&J to grow big and strong.

Yesterday it was time for Rio to go back to Wisconsin. He has been my rock this last week and I will miss so much. Soon we will all be joining him in Marshfield but for now I look forward to his visit home in June. A good friend drove us to Portland, while taking Rio to the airport, I went to visit the boys and drop off milk for them.

J was doing really well and he is gaining weight and his feedings are going up. N was having some trouble with keeping up his oxygen saturation and was breathing a bit to rapidly for any ones comfort. Putting in the pic line was tough on him and hopefully he will get back to feeling better soon. L&J were not there and I was sad to have missed them both. L had gone home to see their other children and J had stepped out for a needed break from the NICU. I know it must be so difficult for them to see their little boys laying there and fighting so hard to get bigger.

I left a basket for L&J with goodies for them and the babies...I filled it with some cute little preemie outfits, blankets, stuffed animals and goodies that I hope will bring a little joy to them all - they are all so dear to my heart.

This is all still so new and I still struggle to understand why I was "robbed" of the remaining of my pregnancy experience. I am just hurt that everything ended way to soon. I guess I am a little angry that I could not love on N&J for much longer than I did. It is hard to accept, that the time I thought I still had, was to be ripped away way too soon.

I feels like being cheated out of the last piece of my pregnancy. I was not ready for this to be the end but I am slowing coming to terms with a new status quo. Every day, I pray for a good day for the sweet little boys who resided under my heart for too short a time. They are never far from my thoughts and they will always own a piece of my heart.

Friday, May 20, 2011

A week ago today...

I woke up and life was ultimately changed in a direction that I never foresaw coming.. I still do not understand what went wrong and my heart is broken in a million little pieces.

A week ago today little N & J were born at 26 weeks 2 days gestation - too early to leave my tummy love and enter this world. They are doing well and making progress everyday and for that I am eternally grateful.

I know that as much as I feel broken and sad, L&J is going through a equally if not more so difficult time. Although I can not change nature ... God knows I would try if I could .. I would do anything to be able to take away the anguish and pain they must feel over this entire situation. I wish that my body could have done so much more for them and for N&J ... and it is hard accepting the limitation that I could not.

Instead I must focus on what I can do. I Got Milk!! My milk is coming in and my supply is expanding a little bit day by day. Pumping is helping me heal in body, mind and soul. I feel like I am still doing something good for them and I am still helping them grow although in a much different way than I anticipated at this point.

The babies had both gained a little bit of weight yesterday ... Yeah! Grow babies Grow!!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Tears...

The tears in my heart will not stop falling this morning - one moment I feel ok but the next I feel so far in the dumps.... An article in Parents Magazine about movement in utero caught my eye as I was eating breakfast ... oh how I wish I could feel those wonderful belly kicks right now...how I wish that instead of waking up every 3 hours to pump milk I was waking up every few hours to go to the bathroom and re-adjust the pillows to support my belly.

Do not get wrong, I am ever so thankful that N&J are doing well. There is not one moment of my day that I do not hold them high in my prayers and think of them....may every day for them be better than the one before.

But I struggle with everything right now ... being "thankful and grateful" that they are well is just so hard when so much of me wishes that they just were not here yet. I should still be loving them in belly ... I should still be nourishing them with my every breath. I should be caring for them and watching over them ... not nurses and doctors and machines ....

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Good day today...

I had a really hard time last night and I am very thankful that my hubby was here to just sit and listen as I poured out my frustrations of these last days.

Today was a much better day!

I am feeling better and my pain level from surgery is going down. I am trying to manage my pain with over the counter Tylenol and Ibuprofen alone and leave the stronger narcotic pain medicine on the shelf... so far so good. Although the doctors did not prescribe anything unsafe for pumping milk for the boys, I just do not want any residual medication effects to run through to the them if I can avoid it.

After getting the kids to school, Rio and I headed to Portland first to go see my attorney and next to the hospital to see the babies and to drop of milk for them.

My attorney had parentage paperwork ready to be signed and L&J's attorney was going to file it with the courts this afternoon. Yeah! Since the boys were born so early, this step had yet to be taken to make L&J the official parents for the boys - I hope that having this step out of the way will bring some comfort to them.

The highlight of my day was seeing sweet N&J .. they are so very small but are doing well for their gestational age. Both of them are on c-pap but breathing on their own. They are tolerating feedings and these are increasing daily which is great....eat eat eat!!! Grow grow grow!!! J even gain a bit of weight ... I hope both of them will be packing on the ounces very soon.

My milk supply is coming in a bit slowly but it is increasing a bit every day. Pumping milk helps me do something that I know will have a positive impact for them. It helps me cope a little bit with the lack of control that I feel in this situation.

Thankful and prayerful for many more good days!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Pictures...

Today is Tuesday and normally the day of the week that I always made sure to send belly pictures to L&J. I makes me so sad that today I cannot do that...every last little part of me wishes for those sweet little boys to still be snuggled in deep under my heart. I am struggling to understand why they are not...and finding the fairness in how early they were born.

I am trying really really hard not to feel guilt over what my body could not do...but my heart still does. I am just so disappointed in my body and although I know that I cannot let these emotions overwhelm me, I have moments when I all I can do is cry.

I wanted more belly pictures - I wanted more time to love on N&J - I want desperately to go back and get new Friday.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Going home...

Today I left the hospital to go home ... I felt so empty walking out through those doors knowing that little N&J will be there for a long time to come. It is just so wrong...they should be in my belly snug like bugs and instead they now have a fight ahead of them. I pray that they stay feisty and keep growing stronger every day.

I feel so lost in how all this could happen so quickly...like control of my body just slipped away like sand between my fingers. With all my heart, I wish that I could go back to Friday morning and wake up without any worries - but since I cannot, I will instead focus on what I can do to hopefully help make a difference...and I can pump milk.

I pray that my body will allow me do this to help nourish the boys and let them grow strong. I have been pumping consistently about every 3 hours since the evening they were born. My output has been a bit slow going as my body was not quite ready to make milk yet. I was told to expect it to take about 50 -72 hours post delivery for my milk to come in. Thankfully I have gotten a fair amount of colostrum for the babies and hopefully consistency will pay off and my milk supply will be well established soon. I left enough colostrum/pre-milk at the hospital to keep the boys feed through Wednesday. By then I hope to have lots more frozen milk to bring up for them to eat.

Before I left today, I talked to the lactation consultant about good dietary "rules" to go by specifically when pumping for preemies. She gave me some suggestions and ideas of things to look at and research. I hope to make some good fattening and nutritious milk to help the babies grow big and strong.

Off to bed now for a few hours of sleep before the next round of pumping...just called the hospital and N&J are having a good night..thank goodness!

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Day 2...

Yesterday was one of the most difficult days of my life and I am still struggling today to reconcile my rational thoughts with my emotional feelings. Giving birth so early was just not something I ever had thought would happen to me. With any pregnancy your dreams always surround this beautiful baby that will arrive at the end of a full term pregnancy...the dreams are never about things going astray.

My heart and every ounce of my body wishes that I could have kept them protected inside of me for so much longer than I did. They are both so incredible small and it is so hard for me to see them in their little bassinets in the NICU when I know they should be growing strong inside my belly instead.

I know there is nothing I did wrong or could have done differently to prevent their early arrival and I feel very thankful for Dr. S who time out of his day to go the event of yesterday with me and reassuring that I was not fault for this early delivery but that it just one of those unfortunate events that is beyond our control. Still it feels like I fell short.

I have been to visit the babies four times today - it was so good to see them. Going through the c-section, hearing what was going on but never seeing the babies was hard. All the medicine and anesthetic that I had on board made everything a bit hazy and this all seemed to progress so quickly and then they were born and whisked away to be cared for.

They are doing well for their gestational age but I must say that it is still so difficult seeing them in the little bassinets hooked up to all these monitors.

I am so thankful that L&J are here to watch over their babies. I can only imagine the shock of receiving my text message coming off the plane that they little boys are about to be born via c-section - it was not the message that I would ever have wanted to send to them. They have been wonderful to me through this and they are so calm. I know that at some level they must be as disappointed in my body as I am - it is just hard to let go of that feeling right now.

But today I am thankful that the babies are doing well and I am prayerful that they will grow big and strong. I am pumping and pumping to stimulate my milk production. I am getting a little colostrum at each pumping but not much yet. I hope that soon I will have lot of milk to help nourish them. Grow babies Grow!

Babies...

Happy Birthday Boys ~ Friday May 13, 2011 ~ this day will be etched in my heart forever.

Baby A (little N) was born at 17:45 PM weighing in at 2 lbs 1.2 oz

Baby B (little J) was born at 17:46 PM weighing in at 2 lbs 7 oz.

All wrong...

My heart is trying to reconcile wrong and right ... and let me tell you that it is dang hard. How can everything be going so right and then BAM ... a 180 degree turn and things are heading down the total wrong path.

This last week was a great week - I felt great, the babies were moving lots - I ate well and got plenty of rest. But Thursday will be a day that I will relive in thoughts over and over again wondering if I had just done something different maybe Friday would not have turned like it did.

Thursday I got the house ready for pictures but made sure to take plenty of breaks as the photographer was not scheduled until 4PM. At 6 PM I took Sebastian to T-ball practice and had two parents help out with practice, and then I took Magnus to his sports physical .. not really a day with anything out of the ordinary. But now I am trying to replay the day over and over in my head to see if I should have done something differently .. but I cannot come up with anything and it makes me feel so powerless.

After we came back from Magnus' sports physical, I did feel a couple of braxton hicks contractions that felt a bit odd - but again not anything to make me worried. I thought maybe I had not drank enough water as it had been a somewhat busy day. So I drank some extra water and sat down while cooking and then headed to the couch after we had dinner. I went to bed early about 10ish and although I did wake up quite a bit to go the bathroom, I figured this was directly related to all the extra water I drank before going to bed.

At 5 AM I woke up with a contraction - it felt somewhat out of the ordinary. I went to the bathroom but fluids were clear and no mess on the paper. I went back to bed to just sit and decided that I was going to call Dr. E's office just to get her thoughts on the contractions. Well at about 6 AM, I went back to the bathroom and there was blood in the bowl and more when I wiped. And I got scared....quickly I called the hospital and asked what I should do and they said for me to come in. I woke up the kids and I am so proud of my two big ones as they worked together to get Sebastian ready for school, and get the dogs feed and walked and everyone on the bus in time without me home.

Before it was 7AM, I was heading to the hospital and had called L&J to let them know what was going on as well. I felt a couple of more contractions but nothing that seemed major and I did not attribute it to real labor contractions just yet. When I got to the hospital, I was hooked up to the contraction monitor and had an ultrasound. At this time the babies both looked good, their bags of waters were intact and the placentas looked good and they were trying to determine the cause of bleeding. I was given Magnesium to stop the contractions and a steroid shot to help mature the babies lungs in the event of early delivery. A million thoughts were running through my head but mostly that this is way to early for these babies to make their arrival. I was feeling a bit off due to the Magnesium and trying to get my bearings on everything going on - it just seemed so surreal.

My contractions slowed somewhat down from the Magnesium but they did not stop. A decision was made to transfer me to Emanual Hospital in Portland as they have a NICU capable of handling preemies ... I still did not think we were going to have babies. But of I went in an ambulance with full siren - it all felt very surreal. By this time L&J had decided to fly up which was incredible comforting to know - I think we all hoped that labor would be stalled and I would go on bedrest...unfortunately that is not what happened. I arrived at Emanuel and more ultrasounds and evaluations were done. I was given a stronger dose of Magnesium but it still do not stop the contractions. The the babies still looked good and I guess I still hoping that this was not it. I was not ready for this to be over and for these little boys to be born... but I began to feel sick and like I had to throw up and I knew this was a tell tale sign of being close to transition to me. Shortly there after the doctors did a speculum exam and it was confirmed that Baby A's bag water was bulging through my fully dialated cervix and that delivery would be happening soon.

L&J were on the flight at this time and it was so hard for me to send them the text message telling them that we were prepping for C-section. I know that was the message that they wanted to see first thing when they got off the plane. At this time, I felt so out of it, so disappointed in my own body and everything was just moving so fast.

I was prepped for the c-section and I just could not stop crying. Baby A's placenta had started to abrupt which is not a good thing and delivery was the only option. But still it just seemed all wrong. And although the doctors all told me that it not my fault and there was nothing I did to cause this to happen, it is still hard not to feel a loss of something gone wrong.

I am not ready to not be pregnant anymore. I am not ready to not feel these little baby boys move around in my belly. It is hard having some end too soon... and I know that I will be dealing with all these emotions for while to come.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Carrying twins...

I have so far been blessed with a great pregnancy and I continue to feel physically well. However, carrying twins is definitely a different ball game than carrying a singleton...well I guess it could be that I am getting older as well - but we will discount that fact ;-)

Fatigue is pretty much a constant companion. I am much more tired and find myself resting a lot - I suppose that this could also be the result from interrupted sleet and waking up to go to the bathroom 3 to 4 times each night! In any event, I am very much alert to when my body tells me to stop and relax and then making sure that I sit/lay down for a bit. I do not want to take any chances on bringing on any pre-term labor by doing too much and extra rest is always good when pregnant - these babes requires lots of energy for growing big and strong.

I am now approaching the third trimester and the point in pregnancy that the babies will really begin packing on the weight. I can tell that my belly is getting heavier and it is filled out .. it will be exciting to see how big it will get. The stretching of my round ligaments around the lower part of my belly can be quite uncomfortable - like a sharp twitch that will stop you in your tracks to catch your breath. My groin muscles are also beginning to feel the extra pressure from above ... and lets not even talk about my bladder which I am sure is the size of a flatten out pancake at this time causing me to go to the bathroom a million times a day or so it seems!

I am trying to not let the stress get to me as I know this can complicate things and what we do not need is complications!!! However, with our upcoming move, home purchase and sale, and the craziness of being "single-mom" with three kiddos and two dogs, it would be untruthful to say that there is not the occasional challenging day...but we manage and I just take it one day at the time.

I am so thankful for having an opportunity to once again help complete a family - it is truly such a special experience. The other day I stopped by to visit with M&M and little Miss Violet - it touches my heart each time I see M&M embrace parenthood and to see how big their sweet little girl is getting. She is so adorable .. signing and talking up a storm and is just in the "go-mode" of being a toddler.

Becoming a parent is such a life changing event. I pray everyday that I am guiding my children right and although that as parent I know I make plenty of mistakes - I hope that all the good times makes up for all the imperfections in life. I love being a mom and I cannot image a life without my children. I am so blessed!

Monday, May 9, 2011

100 Days...

Today is Day 181 of my pregnancy which means that there is exactly 100 days left to my full term due date of August 16, 2011. I have been incredible blessed to be able to carry these two little boys snuggled deep within me.

The babies are growing and so is my belly...fatigue has been more of a constant companion in this pregnancy - much more so than in my other ones - but this is common when carrying twins. I feel incredibly fortunate that we are almost to end of the second trimester without any problems...just one more week and I enter the third trimester.

In the beginning, the prospect of carrying twins was a little scary. A twin pregnancy can progress very differently than a singleton but really with any pregnancy there are risks. It has been a very unique opportunity to follow the growth of these little ones as I seem them on ultrasound at every OB appointment. It is amazing to see the changes in growth and development from month to month. They are now making their presence know with kicks and love quite often. As I know the general placement for each of them, I can tell who is kicking when - for the most part anyway. They are active but not quite as active as little miss V was. Actually I thought I would feel them more given there are two .. but maybe they are running out of room!

Here is to 100 more days of twinkie growing and feeling good to the end!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mother's Day 2011...

This is the first Mother's Day that Rio has not been here to celebrate with me since we have had Magnus...he did send me some beautiful roses and a card which says: "The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother" - melted my heart!

I feel so fortunate and incredibly lucky to be a mother. I have three beautiful, wonderful and loving children and they mean the world to me. I love them so much and although parenthood can be a challenge - they make me want to be a better person.

This year's Mother's Day is extra special as I once again am carrying something very special below my hearth. Being a surrogate provides a unique opportunity to bring motherhood to another person and that is such a privilege. I will always carry these children in my heart and am sure that this day will always bring fond reminders of a very special time in my life.

M - I wish you a lovely day with Violet ... she is such a cutie pie!
L - I wish you a restful day with your mother and your children ... next year for sure will be a lot busier for you all!

For my mom - Jeg elsker dig!! Haaber du har harft en fantastisk god dag. Knus!