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Thursday, March 1, 2012

Flowers for little J...

On our drive back to Oregon, I stopped by little J's grave.  A place which will always be very dear to me.  Bringing flowers to him and just visiting for brief moment in time ~ like the all to brief moments in a life time we were lucky enough to share with him here on earth.  Being there and feeling the sun rays reaching his little special spot, thinking about all that has happened and still wishing that things were so very different.

Our house is quiet today.  After having spent the last two weeks with my mother visiting us and helping with the move, it seems a bit lonely to be here by myself and I find that I miss the chatter of the children while they are at school.  The quietness reminds me to be grateful for every day..  and how silly and easy it is to get caught up in little annoyances and be hung up on non-important things.  This morning my voice sharpened and I got short with one of my children as he just did not seem to be moving at a reasonable pace ... and after they all left on the school bus, I felt alone and so awful that I yelled at him.  In the grand scheme of things, my children's imagination and play ..even at inconvenient times and making us run a bit late .. is really just a brief look onto a small treasure .. for the babies we carry below our hearts will be grown all too quickly and then all we can hope for is that we raised them well and that they will not remember the harsh words that came along as they were in their own little world playing while we were rushing them along hurrying to catch the school bus.

 There are days where my heart aches so much for the people dear to me that I have lost...my father, my grandmother, little J ~ how I wish we had just a little more time with you.   But the sands of time runs out sometimes when we least expect it.  Life is fragile ~ it is the greatest gift and I have to remind myself that none of us are ever guaranteed tomorrow .. that we can only live up to the potential of the day laid out in front of us.  If I make a mistake, I try to correct it.  If I want something to be different, I try to make it happen.  We never know what lurks right around the corner and we have to make each day count because sometimes today is all we have.

One song in particular sets my heart ablaze with thoughts and memories and I heard again this morning while reading one of my favorite blogs ~  somewhere over the rainbow... it is such a beautiful song.... and I feel certain that somewhere over the rainbow the many souls dear to me are somewhere up there.  I try to remember that today is the day to enjoy my children and the joy that they bring to me ... to be patient, loving and kind.  While we all have to plan for the future .. we still have to live today and today leaves the impression of the memories of tomorrow.  I can only hope that the memories I create will be good ones for those who will remember.

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