Over the last week I have read about several recent pregnancy losses on SMO (surromomsonline) and while all make me sad, twin related losses just cuts right through my heart still. A few days ago a fellow surrogate lost a twin pregnancy at around sixteen weeks gestation. Reading about it made me numb and incredibly sad. It brought so many memories and the loss of little J right back front and center.
As surrogates, we care SO much about someone else's baby (or babies) and when things go wrong it is just heart wrenching. We want so much for these sweet little ones to go home to their forever family, to be loved and cared for by the parents who have gone through so much just to have family. We put our hearts and soul on the line often for strangers who become dear friends in the process of a surrogacy journey.
Although the love for a surro child is different than the love we have for our own children, we care deeply for the babies we carry and for the families we carry them for. It is sad and an utterly helpless feeling when a baby is lost. Regardless of when that loss happens it has an impact on both the surrogate and the family we try to help. Failed transfers and early trimester losses are tough, second and late trimester losses, and especially loss after viability and birth, are just so devastating.
In a perfect world much would be different...but as much as we like to seek perfection, we have to deal with the hand we are given. Today I send many healing prayers to all the special women who have experienced a loss in surrogacy and also to the all the parents who have gone through much heart ache just to have the family they so wish for.
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